Check with Reservations at Miraval (www.miravalresort.com, or 800-232-3969). They have up-to-the-minute availability and price information, and can answer most of your questions to help you plan for attending the couples retreat.

2. How large are your workshops?

Currently we have a maximum enrollment of 30 couples in a workshop. The lecture part of the course is done in a comfortable auditorium with armchairs and desks. For the discussion sessions, the group is broken into two smaller groups of 15 couples each, one led by Dr. Holstein and a trained male facilitator, the other led by Dr. Taylor and a female facilitator. These groups at times divide again into men’s and women’s discussion groups, four in all.

3. What kinds of couples attend your workshops?

All kinds! The average couple is in their late 40s or early 50s, but we’ve had couples as young as their late 20s and as old as their late 70s. Most of them have been together for many years, averaging around 10 or 15; we’ve had some who’ve been married over 40 years, and some who’ve been together less than a year. Many of our participants have had one or more previous marriages that ended in divorce, but quite a few are still married to their high school sweetheart and have never had another sexual partner. Most, but by no means all, of the couples have children, ranging in age from less than a year to fully-grown with children of their own. Naturally, our participants tend to be financially successful people. Occupations range all over the map, with lots of entrepreneurs, executives, and professionals of both genders, as well as many stay-at-home moms (and an occasional stay-at-home dad!), and a fair number of retired folks.

4. Why do most people come to a workshop like this?

Probably the most common reason is some variation on the theme of “We’ve somehow lost the intimacy that we used to feel with one another and want it back.” People perceive the stress and demands of day-to-day life with family and careers as having made them grow apart, and even though they know this, they can’t seem to find a way back to what they had when they first fell in love with one another. They recognize that they’re in a rut emotionally and sexually, and feel like they need some expert help to get out of it. The amount of distress our couples are experiencing varies quite a lot, though. Some are reasonably content and say that their relationship is just wonderful, practically perfect, except that their sexual connection is a little disappointing and lacking in depth and energy. Others are having significant power struggles and conflict and resentment around the sexual part of their life that has spilled over into other aspects and may even be threatening the long-term viability of the relationship. Or perhaps there have been significant challenges to the relationship (affairs, illnesses or other medical issues, family or financial setbacks) that have affected intimacy and have not yet been fully resolved in the sexual arena. But all the couples that attend are committed to staying together and making their relationship as good as they possibly can, including and especially the sexual part of it. We don’t recommend that couples who are on the verge of divorce attend the workshop as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.

5. We’ve been seeing a counselor for a while about our marital problems. Would Partners, Pleasure and Passion complement that, or could it detract in some way?

Our experience with couples who are or have been in counseling has been very positive. Often a couple has learned a great deal in counseling about how to communicate more openly and effectively, and this puts them in a better position to take full advantage of the challenges offered by the homework assignments of our workshop. But even for couples who have not yet made a lot of progress in counseling, our workshop, because it is body-centered and not mostly about communicating verbally, tends to generate a lot of positive energy and loving feeling that can then form the basis for moving forward more effectively in counseling.

6. What if we’ve got physical or medical problems like menopause, hormone or medication issues, pelvic surgery, trouble reaching orgasm, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or physical disability?

Being fully trained family physicians with special expertise in sexual function and dysfunction, we know a lot about these issues and address them in our presentations to the group. However, we don’t offer medical consultation and treatment as part of the workshop. You should explore these issues with your own health-care provider as much as possible before you come. You may also get ideas once you have taken the course that you want to take back and discuss with your provider. But it is our experience that virtually everyone with these issues has also experienced a significant disturbance in their intimate relationship because of them, and can benefit tremendously from what the workshop has to offer. And we have also observed that there is a tendency for people in our culture to overemphasize the importance of the biologic factors in their sexual difficulties, resulting either in a search for a quick fix or in a hopeless attitude that nothing can be done (e.g., “I’m menopausal so of course I’m not going to be as sexual”). Often our couples with biologic issues find out they’re not nearly the barriers they thought they were, once they get out of their rut and back on track with the energy of their loving connection to each other.

7. Being in a group and talking about sex sounds uncomfortable. Do we have to talk about private things if we attend?

Several of the group sessions involve sharing of experiences among the group members. No one is required, though everyone is invited, to share about what they are learning in the workshop. It turns out that this is actually one of the most valuable parts of the process for the participants, and nearly everyone gets comfortable with it quite quickly. The emphasis is not on airing old issues, but rather on what is going on presently in the process of engaging the course’s assignments, and it is generally quite positive, even inspiring. Sometimes people request to come to Miraval and just consult with us privately as a couple; we always tell them that if they choose to do that, they will miss out on the power of the group’s energy, and are less likely to be moved to make the changes they need and want to make in their lives together. At the end of our courses couples invariably report that one of the best aspects of the workshop was being in a group with others working to improve their intimate lives.

8. We're not really having any problems with our sex life, but we're curious about what we might be missing out on. Is the couples program for us?

Absolutely! Our experience is that couples who are not having significant issues in their sexual relationship often get the most out of our program. The truth is that we could all learn to love our mate deeper and better, and that there really is no limit to the amount of positive energy we can generate in our relationship. Our sexuality is the most important tool we have for doing this, and the skills needed for deepening this connection are just what we teach.

9. I can't come to Miraval. Do Drs. Holstein and Taylor offer their program in my part of the country, or can they recommend a similar program in my area?

Currently, the couples retreat is only being offered at Miraval Life in Balance Resort. Unfortunately, we do not know of any other programs that approach sexuality in quite the same way that we do, combining medical expertise with a mind-body-spirit approach to sexuality within a committed relationship.

10. I can't afford the couples retreat at Miraval. Are there other options for improving our sexual relationship that aren't so expensive?

First, we'd like to point out that participation in our Miraval intensive program can be looked at as an excellent investment in your relationship. Many couples have told us, after completing the program, that it is worth much more, that they wish they had done it much sooner in their marriage, and that they would like to persuade their young married children to do the program.

But we are aware that not everyone can afford to come to Miraval. We know several couples who have benefited tremendously from the do-it-yourself program as described in Your Long Erotic Weekend, in conjunction with the audio CD recording of the book's physical and energy exercises. But it has to be done seriously as a program, with a block of time set aside without daily routines and distractions, following the book's recommendations and pacing closely. We've also created a shorter program, Your Long Erotic Evening, available as a 2-CD set, which recreates the most crucial of the homework sessions of the Miraval couples retreat, and which can put you on the road to exploring deeper sexual connection. (You'll need to prepare yourself first by learning about the Seven Dimensions of Sexuality from one of our books or from the presentation we recorded with Better Life Media.)

Because we want to bring our work to as many people as possible, we're currently developing a self-study curriculum that couples could use to re-create a more powerful experience of learning and transformation than the book is able to, using a combination of video and audio recordings, printed materials, and group interaction via the Internet. If you'd like to be contacted about the progress of this project and be notified when it becomes available, please contact us, and we'll put you on our list of interested people.

11. Do Dr. Holstein and/or Dr. Taylor have a private practice of sex therapy so that I could make an appointment to see them?

Dr. Holstein formerly had a private practice of sex therapy for individuals and couples, but at present, she and Dr. Taylor are only available to guests of Miraval Life in Balance Resort for private consultations. Some couples have asked us about coming to Miraval specifically for the purpose of working with us intensively in private, rather than attending one of our programs, out of a belief that they would not enjoy a group experience. We are not opposed to such an arrangement, but we always tell such couples that they would be depriving themselves of the tremendous benefit that comes from the group's energy, without any real corresponding gain. The group experience seems to be a very important part of the transformation that most of our couples experience at our programs.

12. How can I get some professional help with the sexual/relationship problem I'm having right now?

Unfortunately, Drs. Taylor and Holstein are unable to respond to requests for advice about individual problems and issues. Conventional sex therapists practice in most cities. You can check the listings at the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists at www.aasect.org for a practitioner with AASECT certification who practices near you.

13. What if I'm not in a relationship right now?

Dr. Holstein is offering a retreat for women only at Miraval, entitled Awakening Aphrodite, which is specifically designed to help women, whether currently in an intimate relationship or not, to better connect with and express their feminine sexual energy, in order to have a more satisfying sex life and to attract the best kind of intimate partner.

14. Do Drs. Holstein and Taylor offer any programs for same-sex couples?

At the present time, the Miraval retreats are only available to heterosexual individuals or couples. If there is sufficient interest, a homosexual couples program could be developed, as we believe the principles of love and energy exchange are the same. Please write to us if you have an interest in our developing such a program.